Saturday, 15 April 2017

Silent Grief.

A little over 2 years ago, My heart broke and nobody truly knew how that felt. 
My beautiful friend, My Max, was no longer in this world. 

The person i'd come to know, was no longer there. I wouldn't see him anymore. No messages from him would appear on my phone. No goodbyes would ever be said. 

For a long time, i didn't know how to feel. There was a void... A slight uncertainty that at any moment, more precious people would be taken from my life. 

For a long time, i pushed it away. Feeling like he might reappear and people had been wrong. That way, i wouldn't have to process what had happened. 

For me, there was no goodbye, no funeral, no comforting his loved ones, no reaching out to friends in a time of need. Circumstances at that time were very very cruel to me, and although i knew i had loved ones around me, i felt very alone in the world. 

Looking back, i would've handled it differently, but that's the thing about time. Things seem so much clearer when you look back on them. 

They still haven't found my dear friend, and at this stage, probably never will. That fact alone used to bring me to tears. But nowadays, that fact represents trust for me. Trust in Jehovah and true belief that he is in his memory... and that is enough. 

I've come to learn that grief is as individual as a fingerprint.

Take the time you need. 

Think what you need to or don't think at all.

Use the memories, the precious moments you'll only know about, and keep them close to your heart. Allow them to just be, to be a part of you and motivate you to keep on making more moments in your life that you will look back on. 

I still feel that void, but I'm grateful for the precious time i had with my friend.